Momentous

Can you pinpoint a moment - any moment - that changed the direction of your life? I can think of many. For me, it goes all the way back to the moment my parents told me that we were moving back to Zimbabwe after seven years of living in South Africa. I was furious, as your average thirteen year old would be. Looking back on it now though, I realize that it was during those first few months of being a stranger in my old home, lost and confused, that I found my faith - a faith that became a pillar of strength for me.

Then there was the moment that we all decided "screw this" and moved back to Fish Hoek. Sometimes things just don't work out the way you think they will. Over the course of the next few years, though I missed my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins dearly, I made new friends that to this day feel like family and I formed relationships that started to shape me into the person I was becoming. During that time I started dancing and found a passion in cultivating that talent. The decision to start was a lot easier than the decision to stop but both were equally momentous. I started writing poetry, I learned to bleed on paper. Then came high school graduation, and the subsequent moment I chose to study Language and Culture at Stellenbosch University. Those three years gave me insight into who I am, what I am capable of and helped me to explore my own personal philosophies. I also met some of my best friends there, and my wonderful boyfriend Kevin. Unfortunately during that time I was also introduced to the harsh realities of the world we live in.

In 2019, living as a woman in South Africa caused me to lose my faith. I could not accept the death, the violence and the fear all around me. I am still trying to get it back. Next up there was the moment that the boyfriend decided to go to New Zealand and we decided to do long distance - a make or break experience full of missings and self-discovery - and one that will be mirrored in a couple of months, when he goes back again. It's a good thing we are both awesome and capable of amazing things. This time, I'll be in in the wilderness of Mozambique rather than Stellenbosch, drinking 2M next to Lake Chicamba and trying to figure out how the hell I am going to achieve my goals. My picture perfect environment being a direct result of the moment my parents accepted a job in Mozambique and invited me to come along.

All of those moments for the most part had pretty predictable consequences and I think I knew deep down that each one would somehow change my life forever, for better or for worse. What people tend to overlook however, are the moments that don't feel momentous at all. Sometimes change presents itself subtly as an inconsequential thought that then solidifies itself. Or the decision to pick up a pen and put it to a blank piece of paper. Almost two years ago, I was struck by one of those moments - and although I didn't know it then, I had started to write my first novel.

I was in my final year of varsity and it is safe to say that the stress of the high pressure academic environment was making me crazy. That and lack of sleep. Between exam prep, weekly mandarin assessments, an extra final year subject and a job, I barely had time to breathe. I was adjusting to new medication and trying to maintain a long distance relationship (the time-zone situation was a bitch) as well as fighting with god on the daily about the state of the world. It was only after a couple of months of waking up at 4am because there didn't seem to be enough hours in the day, that I knew I was heading for a breakdown.

I needed something, anything, to distract me from my reality. When I started writing one morning, inspired by an old English Studies assignment, I had no idea it would turn into a 100 000 word manuscript. I didn't have any plan for where it was going, all I knew was that writing just for me made me feel good.

Skip forward - past graduation, a cross country move and two national lockdowns - and I have just finished my novel. I wrote THE END and then proceeded to drink a bottle of celebratory wine despite the fact that it was probably eleven o'clock in the morning. No regrets there if I'm being honest. Now, as I polish, flesh out and work myself into an editing frenzy with the help of my amazing mom, I can't help but think about what a lifeline this book has been and how life has such a strange way of surprising you.

So, can you pinpoint a moment - any moment - that changed the direction of your life? When it comes to my book and the understanding that I was creating something important, that moment came when I realized that one of my main characters, Adeline, had taken on a life of her own. Then it happened again when I found out I wasn't thinking FOR Hadley - another character - but rather THROUGH him. My most recent earth-shattering momentous minute came not so long after I had written my final words, and as I sat there - shuddering at the finality of it all and feeling suddenly unmoored - I thought:

" There's really nothing for it. Nothing for it at all. I'm going to have to write another book. Like, starting right now."

And so that is what I did.

By Georgia Rae